I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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