i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He better not be in your backpack
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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