my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
