so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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