At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
