the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
