I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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