I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
