guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
