I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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