She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
