i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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