I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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