YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
