Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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