Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
