Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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