I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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