Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
