Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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