Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
