I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
