zippers are such a cool invention
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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