Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
