wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone came in the potted fern
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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