I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
