I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
