lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
