i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
