actually, I'm a sock model
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
