dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
