Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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