I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
