Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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