Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
