I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
