So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
