The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
