Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
