Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
