Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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