Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
