rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
