his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
