I think scott just propositioned me for sex
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
