Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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