In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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