I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
