I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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