If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
