Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
